For adoptive parents, it can also be important to acknowledge their own feelings of grief or loss. Murray cites the feelings that, in particular, straight couples who may originally have tried to conceive a biological child can have if their adopted child turns out to have a disability. "Some parents have already grieved a child they weren"t able to conceive. And some parents we have spoken to describe experiencing a double grief when their adoptive child turns out, for example, to have special needs that they weren"t aware of when they adopted." But, Murray says, when grief is taboo or shameful for parents and it stops them seeking help, that isn"t good for them or their child.